What Is The Meaning Of Alpha Gamer?

Maybe you’ve heard the term, “alpha gamer,” before and aren’t sure what its meaning is. Well, good news then, because I’m going to break it down for you. Here’s what it means.

An alpha gamer is a person who frequently tells other players what to do even when they don’t want help, usually during cooperative games and usually so everyone can win. Alpha gamers do this for a variety of reasons, including insecurity or thinking they have to.

What Is The Meaning Of Alpha Gamer?

If anyone’s ever called you an alpha gamer before, or if you’ve heard someone call someone else an alpha gamer, well…that’s not good. So, what does it mean?

Well, alpha gamer refers to someone who takes control of a game and tells everyone else what to do. While some may argue this could be referred to as a leader, the difference between a leader and an alpha gamer is that alpha gamers do this far too much. Plus, they do it even when people don’t want them to, and often them doing it starts to affect the game experience for other players in a negative way.

Why Does An Alpha Gamer Do What They Do?

You know, having been a former alpha gamer myself, even I can’t answer why every alpha gamer does what they do. I know that for myself, I was an alpha gamer because I wanted to win. To be honest, I wanted all of us to win (alpha gaming usually comes out during cooperative games, but it can come out during competitive games too), but really it boiled down to wanting to win.

Also, for me, I was motivated by validation. Thought I was the best player at the table, thinking I had to help the other players also be the best, that was driven by the desire to be seen as the best, to have other players know I had helped them.

In short, I was very insecure and saw my perceived abilities in gaming as a way to fill a void where my own self-confidence should’ve been.

As far as other alpha gamers, I couldn’t say for sure, but I’d bet most of them deal with the very same issues.

Of course, the opposite is also possible. An alpha gamer could overly brim with confidence, leading them to think everything they’re doing to help the other players are the right move. It’s also possible alpha gamers think there’s a need for what they’re doing, whether there actually is or not.

That’s the other tricky thing too because sometimes games need a leader. But how do you be a leader without alpha gaming?

How Do You Be A Leader Without Being An Alpha Gamer?

The truth is this is hard to do. It’s difficult to know where the line is sometimes, and other players’ lines will differ from person to person. Here’s what I’ve discovered to be true though.

Firstly, if no one’s asking for help, resist the urge to help them. Sometimes it’s okay to help, usually by asking someone a question (I’ll get to that in a moment), but, in general, let other people play the game. Even if you see someone struggling unless you’re absolutely sure they’d be receptive to help, don’t.

Secondly, if someone’s asking for help, whether vocally or not, don’t tell them what to do. Ask them in the form of questions.

For example, let’s say someone’s not sure where to play one of their figures. Instead of saying, “You should place it there,” you could say, “What do you think about placing it there?” Alternatively, you could frame it as a theoretical exploration instead of a command. So, instead of saying, “You should place it there,” you could say, “Placing it there might help you get this resource down the road.”

Thirdly, it’s okay for less-than-perfect decisions to happen. Right along with this is the idea that it’s okay to lose. People will make mistakes (alpha gamers included), and it’s okay for that to happen.

It’s Okay To Not Be In Control

Also, it’s okay that you’re not in control of the game. The joy of board games is that they bring people together. Just like any other method of bringing people together, the experience should be shaped by everyone involved. Sometimes, that means doing things that aren’t the best possible thing, and sometimes, that means doing things other people want to do, letting them have a little more power in shifting where the experience goes.

And that’s wonderful! Embrace it because some of the best moments in gaming and in life are when others get to spread their wings a bit and you get to see where that takes everyone.

How Do You Handle An Alpha Gamer?

Real quick, I also wrote about this here. Give it a look, if you’re interested.

But basically, tell them to stop. You don’t have to be confrontational about it, getting right in their face, or shouting. In fact, doing this will likely ruin the night and have the opposite intended effect.

However, if you don’t stop an alpha gamer from being an alpha gamer, they’re going to keep on alpha gaming. So, how do you do this?

Well, you could go back to the question method. For example, if an alpha gamer tells you to make a certain move, you could say, “Thanks, but is it your turn right now?” Alternatively, you could make a joke that still sets a boundary, such as, “Oh, thanks, didn’t know it was your turn.” Smiling helps in either case.

As another alternative, you could just politely set the boundary by saying something like, “Thanks for the suggestion, but I’d like to take my own turns.”

Now, it’s possible an alpha gamer will get offended or defensive about this. After all, one of the characteristics of an alpha gamer is that they don’t like to be challenged. However, it’s possible to handle this too.

For instance, you could say something like, “I totally understand. We’re all here to play the same game, and we all deserve the space to make our own decisions. What do you think?” You’ve effectively set a boundary but you’re not telling them what to do either. Instead, you’re involving them in the discussion. At this point, most alpha gamers will just stop for fear of looking like jerks.

What About The Real Bad Ones Though?

Okay, say you have an alpha gamer who just won’t stop no matter what. You’ve set boundaries, others have done the same, you’ve explained your positions, being polite, and it just isn’t having an effect. You still have a couple of options.

Firstly, you could, at this point, be a little more direct by saying something such as, “We’d like you to keep being part of these games. However, it’s not fun when you do things like this. Please stop.” By the way, always use “however” instead of “but.” It comes across better.

Also, don’t threaten anything. Just ask them to stop.

Secondly, if they don’t stop, you could talk to the other players and make a decision about not playing with them anymore. It’s an extreme move, but sometimes it needs to happen.

Hopefully, though, whoever’s alpha gaming stops alpha gaming so everyone can continue to enjoy games together. After all, that’s what they’re all about.

Did You Know?

(Each time you refresh the page you will get a new “Did You Know” fact!)

Did you know unboxing board games can be really enjoyable to some people? Me included! Check out my thoughts here!

Conclusion: What Is The Meaning Of Alpha Gamer?

So, hopefully, you’ve never been called an alpha gamer and never will. Either way, what are your thoughts on the term? Have any heard anyone call it? Let me know your thoughts and why in the comments below!

And, as always, keep on gaming, fellow board gamers.