How Do You Deal With An Alpha Gamer?

Gaming with alpha gamers is no fun. They try to take control of the game and tell everyone what to do. So, how do you deal with an alpha gamer anyway?

The best ways to deal with an alpha gamer are to figure out why they’re alpha gaming, set boundaries, talk to them, play different games, and, if necessary, part ways.

What Is An Alpha Gamer?

The first thing to know is just who and what an alpha gamer is. Basically, an alpha gamer is someone who tries to take control of the game and tell everyone what to do. This typically shows up in cooperative games.

An alpha gamer might tell someone else the best strategy they think they should be using, they might tell someone else where to go or what to do. There are lots of things an alpha gamer can do, but, in general, they act like a commander of other players.

What Are The Signs Of An Alpha Gamer?

So, first of all, an alpha gamer can look like anyone. They can be any gender, any age, literally anyone. The main sign that someone is alpha gaming is that they just keep telling everyone what to do.

Now, when an alpha gamer tells someone what to do, that doesn’t mean they’re being rude about it. That doesn’t mean the alpha gamer is yelling or insulting. In fact, an alpha gamer might speak softly and they might even speak rarely.

It’s mostly the attitude they have. For some reason or another, they feel like they have to take as much control of the game as they can. They feel that their strategies are the best.

Why Do People Alpha Game?

This will vary from person to person, but there are a few reasons someone might alpha game.

One reason someone might alpha game is that they think they have to. It could be that the alpha gamer has a lot of experience with the game you’re playing, more so than anyone else at the table. When the other players’ inexperience starts to show up, the alpha gamer might think they need to take charge.

Another reason someone might alpha game is that they’re used to playing games that way. They might be a very active leader outside of games too, maybe by choice or maybe because they felt they had to be, and maybe that found its way into how they play games. Then, over time, maybe they ended up playing games that way so much that it just became the way they played games.

It could also be an accident. Sometimes people don’t know how they come off to others. Someone might think they’re helping and not overstepping any boundaries in doing so, but in reality, they might be alpha gaming.

Another reason is that people really like to win, so they’ll try to achieve that goal at all costs. They might even think the other players around the table are with them in this regard even if they’re actually not.

What Should I Do If Someone Is An Alpha Gamer?

There are a few things you can do if this situation arises.

Let’s get to them.

1 – Figure Out Why They’re Alpha Gaming

The first thing to do is to figure out why they’re alpha gaming. I wouldn’t recommend directly confronting someone and asking, “Hey, why are you an alpha gamer?”

Instead, watch how they play. What triggers their alpha gaming? Do you know them outside of playing games with them? If so, what might be causing them to do this?

2 – Set Boundaries

The next thing to do, something you’ll want to do consistently throughout a game, is to set boundaries. You don’t have to tell someone, “Hey, stop telling me what to do!” There are other ways to go about this.

And, before we get to them, I do want to say that it shouldn’t have to be your responsibility to take care of this. Still, we all bear some responsibility to each other, so it helps to at least give an effort to see if you can turn a frustrating game night into a great one.

One way is to listen to what they have to say, then say, “Thanks, but I’m going to go with what I was planning on doing.” You could also just not respond at all and do it your way anyway.

If someone is really overstepping bounds you can say things like, “I got this” or “Thanks for the help, but I’m good.” Occasionally, this might be all that a person needs. Either they take the hint or feel like they’ve helped out enough and been heard.

3 – Talk To Them

If a person keeps alpha gaming and it’s having a negative effect on your gaming experiences, you can always have a private conversation with them.

Say, “Hey, I wanted to ask why you keep telling me what to do in games? I’m doing okay and I’m not super worried about winning anyway. If you are, that’s great, but why don’t we both play the game the way we want? As long as we’re having fun, isn’t that the point?”

This isn’t the best way to say this, but using some form of these words should help.

Not all of these conversations may go well, but if it really becomes necessary, then it’s time to talk.

4 – Play Different Games

You should not have to do this, but if you’re determined to keep that person in your game group, it may be time to play different games when they’re participating. I view this the same way as if I was playing games with my parents. I wouldn’t bring out some super dark, gory game; I’d bring out something much lighter.

Or, if I knew someone was super competitive, I might opt to play more cooperative games or games that had fewer opportunities for competition. Again though, you shouldn’t have to do this, but sometimes it becomes necessary. It’s all part of managing a game group.

5 – Part Ways

This is a sad thing to happen, and rare, but sometimes you might have to explain to someone you’re just not interested in playing games with them anymore. You could ghost them too, but giving them a last chance to see how serious you are might finally result in the change you’re looking for. You never know.

Besides, although ghosting can be effective and necessary in some situations if the alpha gamer is someone you know outside of gaming, the responsible thing to do is to tell them what’s going on and why. To give them that one last chance to change.

What’s My Experience Been Like With This?

In general, I’ve been fortunate enough to not have alpha gamers in my game groups. There might be instances where people turn into one for a moment, but typically this isn’t an issue. In part, this is because I tend to game with people I’m already friends with outside of gaming.

However, I have alpha gamed before and I have had people alpha game before. In general, rule number 2 seems to work. This might frustrate that individual, but eventually, they’ll get the idea. And sometimes if they’re not getting what they want out of the game, then they’ll find another group to play games with.

And yes, I have alpha gamed before. Alpha gaming isn’t always an all-or-nothing type of deal. Just because someone alpha games that doesn’t mean they do it all the time; they can slip in and out of it.

I try to be very conscious of my alpha gaming. My own reasons are that I want to help people and I think I see a good strategy for them to use, particularly when they’re struggling. Still, I try to keep this in check as much as I can.

Did You Know?

(Each time you refresh the page you will get a new “Did You Know” fact!)

Did you know there’s a lot that goes into teaching board games? For example, are you familiar with what I call, “little rules?” Even if you are, check out my huge list of strategies to make teaching board games easier here!

Conclusion: How Do You Deal With An Alpha Gamer?

Alpha gaming is never a fun thing to deal with. So, when it comes to how to deal with an alpha gamer, the best things to do are to be consistent, calm and hope that things will work out for the best.

With all that said, I’d love to hear about your experiences with alpha gaming? What did you do and how did they turn out? Let us know in the comments below!

And, as always, maniacs, keep on gaming.